The Gen X Woman's Guide to Surviving Christmas (Funny Shirts Included)
The magazines promised "50 Ways to Have a Merry, Stress-Free Holiday!" We're offering 12 ways to make it to January with your sense of humor intact.
Every December, the glossy covers at the checkout line told us the same lie. Perfect tablescapes. Matching family pajamas. A woman laughing alone in a cashmere sweater next to a tree no cat had ever touched.
Meanwhile, you're the one who buys the gifts, wraps the gifts, remembers Aunt Linda's allergy, and hosts the whole thing while running hot like an old laptop.
So here's our holiday issue: 12 survival tips for Gen X women who are doing Christmas anyway, plus the funny Christmas shirts, mugs and hoodies that say what you're too polite to say out loud. Mostly.
Part One
Before the Chaos
Prep like a latchkey kid: alone, efficiently, and with snacks.
1. Admit you're grumpy. It saves time.
Not everyone loves the season. You can love your people and still hate the parking lot at the mall. Wear it on your chest and nobody will ask you to lead the carols.
2. Accept that the cat will win.
The tree will go down. Probably twice. Hang the breakable ornaments up high and the cheap ones at cat level, and call it a design choice.
3. Shop early, or shop online in your pajamas.
You survived a decade of mall crowds in the 80s. You've earned the right to never go back. Print-on-demand gifts are made when you order, so give yourself time before the holiday shipping crunch.
4. Budget like it's a sport.
Deck the halls with whatever's left after the bills. Nobody remembers what they got in 2019. They remember who made them laugh.
Part Two
During the Chaos
Hosting, wrapping, and other unpaid holiday jobs.
5. Switch to survival mode early.
Low battery icon? Totally normal in December. Cut one tradition nobody actually likes. You know the one.
6. Caffeinate with intent.
A funny mug is the cheapest therapy on the market. Bonus: it tells your family how the morning is going before you have to.
7. If you're the family gift wrapper, make it official.
Every family has one person who owns the tape. Stake your claim. Wear the hoodie. Refuse to share the good scissors.
8. Have an exit line ready for awkward conversations.
"I have to check on the cookies" works every time, even if there are no cookies. Especially if there are no cookies.
Part Three
The Party Survival Kit
For the ugly sweater party you said you'd skip.
9. Skip the itchy sweater. Wear the funny shirt.
A Christmas graphic tee does the job of an ugly sweater without making you sweat through it, and that matters more after 45 than anyone warned us.
10. Embrace the naughty list.
You were never on the nice list. Santa knows. Krampus knows. Stop pretending.
11. Bring cookies. Or at least look like you did.
Store-bought on a nice plate counts as homemade. We will not be taking questions.
12. Give one gift that's actually about her.
Not a bath bomb. Something that gets the joke, like a candle that smells like the mix tapes you used to make for your best friend.
Still shopping for everyone else? Our Gen X holiday gift guide has funny gifts for the whole latchkey crew.
Funny Christmas Shirt FAQ
What's a good funny Christmas shirt for a holiday party?
Pick one that matches the crowd. Grumpy and sarcastic (Season's Grumblings) works for family. Cat jokes work for everyone. Save the naughty-list shirts for the friends who'll laugh hardest.
What's a good stocking stuffer for adults?
A funny Christmas mug. Ours are under $25, and they get used every morning long after the tree is gone.
Do your Christmas shirts come in plus sizes?
Yes. Our unisex tees are $29.95 in every size from XS to 5XL, with free U.S. shipping. Same price, every size.
When should I order Christmas gifts?
Early. Every item is printed when you order it, so there's production time before shipping. The earlier you order in December, the better.
You Survived the 80s. You'll Survive December.
Bold. Biting. A Little Twisted.
— MindPop Threads
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