Funny Gifts for Women Over 40 (No Guessing Her Size)
The glossies promised 50 gifts she'll adore. We promise one less awkward text asking what size she wears these days.
There is exactly one question that can end a friendship in December: "So, what size are you now?"
Nobody over 40 wants to answer it. Your sister will lie. Your best friend will send a screenshot of a size chart and a warning. Your mother-in-law will tell you a number from 1994, and you will both pretend that was a normal thing to do.
Which is why One Size Gifts All exists. It's our collection of mugs, candles, hats, headbands, desk mats and other presents that have no opinion about anyone's body. It's for the women who already own enough scarves, the friends who say "don't get me anything" and mean "get me something funny," and anyone shopping for a person whose vibe you know by heart and whose inseam you'd rather not.
Here's the tour. No measuring tape required.
Exhibit A
Funny Christmas Mugs Under $25
A mug is the perfect gift. It's useful, it fits every hand, and it lets someone say something rude to the room before 8 a.m. without opening her mouth.
Season's Grumblings is for the woman who loves Christmas and is also extremely tired of it, a position we consider mature. The Christmas Tree Fell Over camp mug stars a cat wearing the tinsel, four ornaments and the expression of someone who has retained counsel. Any cat owner will recognize that face, because it's the one she got this morning.
Too Lit to Quit is a retro Santa with a glass in each hand and no plans to share, on a 12 oz enamel camp mug. And for the couple who've silently agreed to get through December as a two-person crisis unit, there's the Holiday Survival Mode Engaged mug. All of them land right in stocking stuffer and Secret Santa range.
Season's Grumblings Mug$23.99
Christmas Tree Fell Over Cat Mug$24.99
Too Lit to Quit Santa Mug$24.99
Exhibit B
Funny Candles That Know Exactly Who She Is
Most gift candles smell like a department store's idea of "serenity." Ours come with a backstory and a mild accusation.
I Used to Be Fun is a 9 oz soy candle for anyone who now considers a cancelled plan a personal victory. The Detention Pink Slip candle is hand-poured in the USA in a coconut soy blend and smells like orange soda and getting caught with it in study hall. Grandma's Blue Ribbon Cookies brings rolled oats, brown sugar, cinnamon, vanilla and nutmeg, plus a vintage recipe card label, for the friend who'd like the smell of baking without the part where she bakes.
Need something smaller for the teacher, the neighbor or the coworker you only sort of like? The Sooth the Beast candle is 4 oz of white sage and lavender in an amber jar, for when somebody could use a little peace and a little less drama.
The Golden Rule of Gifting: If you have to ask her size, you've already lost. If you have to ask whether she'd find it funny, buy two.
Exhibit C
Hats, Headbands and Desk Mats
Some of the people on your list are not at peace, and many of them own a headset. These are for exactly that person.
The embroidered Critical Condition distressed dad hat has an adjustable strap and a retro video game health bar that reads like most of us on a Tuesday. The hot pink Status Check foam trucker hat is for the introvert who'd like to be left alone, loudly.
For the woman who sweats through yoga and resents it, our stretchy, moisture-wicking punk headbands come in medium and large, the one size question nobody has ever taken personally, and cost about as much as a fancy coffee and a muffin. The Pink Punk and Yellow Punk are $14, and the Punk Plaid and Grey Punk are $13.99.
Then there are the desk mats, the newest thing in the collection. GAAAAAAMES features a cartoon zombie dragging a controller behind him, in dripping horror lettering. The Surrender @ 20 glitch smiley mat is a ragequit in neon, smiling the whole way down. FRAG.OUT is one loud red stencil word, a grenade and a sky full of smoke, for the woman whose inbox already feels like a firefight. And Atomic City needs no controller at all: a spotless 1950s couple strolls past a glowing mushroom cloud, smiling, which is also how she plans to get through Christmas dinner. These do come in a few sizes, but the only thing you're measuring is the desk. Shopping specifically for a gamer? Our guide to picking their player class has you covered.
Surrender @ 20 Glitch Smile Desk MatFrom $38.95
FRAG.OUT Stencil Desk MatFrom $44.95
Atomic City Retro Desk MatFrom $44.95
Exhibit D
The Last-Minute Gift That Still Counts
It's December 23rd. You have done nothing. We won't tell anyone.
A lot of what's above is made to order, so give it time to get to you. The exception is the MindPop Threads gift card, $10 to $100, delivered by email with a code and no expiration date. She picks the design, you take the credit. And if you do happen to know her real size, our unisex graphic tees are $29.95 in every size XS to 5XL with free U.S. shipping.
Want more ideas for the sarcastic, the nostalgic and the permanently unimpressed? The Gen X holiday gift guide picks up where this one leaves off.
One Size Gifts FAQ
What's a good gift when you don't know someone's size?
Anything that doesn't touch the subject. Mugs, candles, adjustable hats, desk mats and gift cards all work, and a funny one feels far more personal than a safe sweater that may or may not fit.
What do you get a woman over 40 who says she doesn't want anything?
Something small that proves you were paying attention. A mug or candle that matches her sense of humor says more than an expensive thing she'll have to find room for, and she doesn't have to pretend to love it.
What are good funny stocking stuffers under $25?
Our funny Christmas mugs run $23.99 to $24.99, our 4 oz soy candles are $23, and our punk headbands are $14 or less. All of them are made for the woman who has opinions about the holidays and a stocking with room for one more.
Before you close this tab: what you just read is the highlight reel, not the full lineup. New designs land every week, so One Size Gifts All never really stops growing. See every design →
Love Her. Skip the Size Chart.
Bold. Biting. A Little Twisted.
— MindPop Threads
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